Carolling with the Captain
by Captain IT
Summary: Here is some fractured Chirstmas carols for your holiday delight. My entry to Zaratan's holiday story contest.Final Chapter is up.
1. Chapter 1

_Here is some fractured Chirstmas carols for your holiday delight_ ( Ya! Right!)

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**Disclaimer:**_ All Characters of Kim Possible are own by Disney and Mr. Bob and Mr. Mark ( Hey guy! will still give half of my inheritance for Shego) All other characters, vagabonds, thugs, geek, lawyers, capitbaggers, scalliwaggs, bell-ringers, and a couple of 12 years olds planning on hijacking Santa's sleigh are property of their repective authors ( And they know who they are.I'm very scared) Me no profit, me have fun. This song is sung to the tune 'Here Comes Santa Claus' by Gene Autry._

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Hi Everybody! Join me, Captain IT, and my drinking buddies...errr... Kimmunity friends as we sing carols and have a laugh or two this Chirstmas. Hea Ron! What is is Rufus doing in the eggnog bowl?

"The backstroke". ( drum sound)

Why me? Anyway here is our first carol of the evening. Sing along everybody!

Here comes Kim and Shego

Here comes Kim and Shego

Right down wup-ass lane

It's that time of month

They're bloated and bleeding

And driving Ron and Drakken insane

Both are crying and henchmen are flying

Ron and Drakken are heading for the hills

Throw chocolate at them and call Dr. Ann

Please get them a Midol pill.

Here comes Monique

She is quite unique

Got a bone to pick with Wade

Used a ray gun on her and now she is ticked off

Better get him some first aid

This is what you get for shooting a love ray

Now your life is doom

Destroy all the blueprints and lock your door

And never,ever leave your room

Here comes Bonnie, she's not scrawny

Got a perfect tan

Married to Junior, got breast implants

It cost him a hundred grand

She has money and a privite island

But she's not happy with her life

She might call Ron and invite him over

Because she's a desperate housewife

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**A/N:**_ Ho ho ho a better way now to light you fireplace that to...Flame The Captain! So send in them review, comment, cookie & milk, or last year Christmas list to me. And as always, we thank-you for your support. Happy Holidays!_


	2. Chapter 2:

**Foward: **_Time for Shego to get into the holiday spirit by needling poor ole Drakken._

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**Disclaimer: **_Same as in the first Chapter.( Sound of a window breaking). What this? A rock with a note on it?( Reading) We do no claim anything of Kim Possible ourselves but we did kidnap Santa Claus and we are holding on to all the toy. Sign, The Tweebs II. JA,NEB,THOMAS! We need to talk! Song is sung to ' Santa Claus Is Coming To Town' by Coots-Gillespie._

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Now everybody. Let's listen in on our favorite evil couple is see what is going on.

" Hea Dr.D. I got some good news and some bad news for you."

" Naaa, what's the bad news?"

" Your mother is coming over to the lair."

" Oh that's just great, so what is the good news then?"

" Well actually, it is for me. I get to watch you make a fool out of yourself infront of your mother."

" Naaaa, SHEGO!"

" You better watch yourself Dr. D.."

" Oh ,and I'm suppose your going to tell me why?"

" Actually I'll sing it to you. Hit it Captain !"

You better watch out, you better not cry

You better behave,your the apple in her eyes

Mama Lipsky is coming to the lair

She's packing a bag, She called here twice

She going to find out your evil not nice

Mama Lipsky is coming to the lair

She'll find out what your doing

And see your evil plan,

She'll know your butt was swinging around

Some toy plant in Japan

You better lock the doors

Disconnect the phone

I don't want to hear you moan and groan

Mama Lipsky is coming to the lair

She think your a radio therapist

Helping people on the air

Please call your cousin Motor Ed

To get her ass on out of here

There's no where to run

As far as I can see

Mama's squeezing the cheeks

On her little Drewbie

Mama Lipsky is coming to the lair

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**A/N: **_Singing: Captain roasting on an open fire..ahem..right! It is time once again to "Flame the Captain".So send in those reviews, comments, or any unused fruit cake so I can build my new outhouse in the backyard. And again we thank-you for your support. Happy Hoildays everybody._


	3. Chapter 3

**Foward:**_ Kim,Ron and myself are singing about our favorite member of Team Possible_

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**Disclaimer: **_Same as in Chapter 1 and 2._

( Knocking on door) _"Yes?_

_"Sign here please."_

_" Ok."_

_" Alright boys! Dump it here!"_

( A dump truck full of coal is dump into the Captain's living room. On top of the pile is a Christmas card)

"_To Captain IT: Here's to you, we wonder if, you enjoy, our Christmas gift. sign Tweebs II."_

( In a loud Yosemite Sam voice) _OOOOOO I HATE THEM TWEEBS!_

_Song is done to Run Rudolph Run by Chuck Berry. Bassman amp by Fender Music Co. Black Falcon by Gretsch guitars._

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**A/N: **_This is not one of my best efforts, but I love the song._

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An audience was gathering around a small make-shift stage as Jim and Tim came out on to it. Jim was holding up and playing a stand up string bass. Tim was play on a small 3 piece drum set. In the middle of the stage sat a 1959 tweed Fender Bassman amplifier. The sound coming from it was a bluey-rocking jangle guitar sound. But this was no ordinary rock and roll guitar. Only one guitar can make this rock and roll sound. It was the sound of a Gretsch Black Falcon guitar_._ And such a black guitar took a man in black to play it. So in his black guitar t-shirt,black jeans ,black leather vest, and black belt with a brass belt buckle that has the words GUITAR PLAYER stamp on it, Captain IT along with Ron and Kim started singing about the most important member of Team Possible: Rufus.

_Of all the other mole rats, your the best one around_

_Run,Run,Rufus, Santa's got to make it to town_

_Run,Run, Rufus, Santa's got to make it to town_

_Kim and Ron said that you can drive the sloth on down_

_Run,Run Rufus, your the weirdest thing Ron ever found_

_Said Santa to Ron Stoppable " What do you want most of all"_

( Ron) _All I want for Christmas is a Captain IT electric guitar_

_And then away went Rufus, he was moving like his tail was on fire_

_Run,Run,Rufus,Santa's got to make it to town_

_You maybe able to find time to wolf a naco or two on down_

_Run,Run Rufus ,your the weirdest thing Ron ever found_

_Said Santa to Kim Possible " What do you want me to get you"_

( Kim) _I want 'Angel' action figures that also shoot weapons and kung fu's_

_And then away went Rufus, he knew just what to do_

_Run,Run ,Rufus_

_Run,Run, Rufus_

_Run,Run, Rufus_

_Run,Run,Rufus_

_Run,Run,Rufus, your the weirdest thing Ron ever found_

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**A/N:**_ Have a holly jolly flaming, and in case you didn't hear. Oh my golly has a jolly 'Flame the Captain' this year. That's right people. Send in them reviews,comments, stocking stuffers,or any mistletoe with Shego under it._

( Shego slapping Captain) " In your dreams, Captain!"

_Hea, at lease I can dream. Can I? And as always we thank-you for your support. Happy Holidays!_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**_ Kim And Shego are just like sister... and they fight like them too._

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**Disclaimer:** _Same as the first Chapter._

( jingling noise outside) _I wonder what is going on outside?_

( walk outside) _Wow! Look like Santa came early this year!_

_( Plopping noise) EWWWWWWWWWWWW! YOU TWEEEEEB!_

( Tweeb 1) _Did you think we overdid it by giving the raindeers that laxative and prune juice?_

( Tweeb 2) _Naaa, not really. they hit their target. Hehehehehe!_

_Song is sung to the tune ' Deck the Halls'_

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**Deck the Walls**

"You know Ron, I like Kim and Shego getting along better than anybody in here. They act just like a couple of sisters."

" You got that right Captain, and they fight like sisters too."

" Right you are Ron! And it's looks like those two are at it again with their squabbling."

" Let's listen in and hear what they are fighting about now."

( Kim)

_Deck the walls with Shego's blood_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_I'll drag her face right though the mud_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_Wish she could put on something else new_

_Fa la la, la la la, la la la_

_Her brand new colors will be black and blue_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

( Shego)

_You try to hurt me, your out of luck_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_I'm going to kick your bubble butt_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_Your not even going to get help from Hana_

_Fa la la, la la la, la la la_

_You'll need more than a wardrobe from Club Banana_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

( Kim)

_I'll kick your sagging butt with style_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_And drag it for a country mile_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_You use a ton of make-up to make your skin pale_

_Fa la la, la la la, la la la_

_Your suit is from a Brady Bunch yard sale_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

(Shego)

_I'll get you my pretty, and you little brothers_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_You have dark roots just like your mother_

_Fa la la la la , la la la la_

_I'll plasma blast you to hell and back_

_Fa la la, la la la, la la la_

_Is your boyfriend good in the sack_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

" Don't you even think with sleeping with my boyfriend."

" What's the matter princess? I though this was the season for giving."

" What's the matter Shego? Can't get enough from that bass player?"

" At lease he knows his way around a G-string."

' Street hussy!"

" Anything is possible for a Possible...under the bleachers."

" Why You!"

(Ron)

_I love it when these two have catfights_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_Going to make some real cash tonight_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

_Get Wade in here with a camara or two_

_Fa la la, la la la, la la la_

_Then we show it on the Pay-per-view_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la_

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**A/N: **_Oh Captain IT, My Captain IT, it's time to get your 'flamming'. That's right people, sent me your review, comments, or how your going to score on the day after Christmas sale. I leave you now with this advice; Remember, you can tune a G-string, but you can't tuna fish._

( Kim and Ron ) BAD PUN CAPTAIN ! Jinks Ron, you own me a soda.

_Jeeee! Everybody's a critic. And again we thank-you for your support. Happy Holidays everybody!_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **_Christmas holidays were never kind to Drakken. Here he is to sing about it.._

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**Disclaimer:** _Same as chapter 1_

( Stepping up to the punch bowl. Tweebs II are next to it)

_Hi ladies!_

_Hi Captain IT!_

_Have some punch Captain._

_Don't mind if I do. This songfic writing builds up a mighty big thrust on me._

_Your will love our punch Captain._

_Hmmmm, got a unusual after taste to it. Not bad!_

_Should we tell him that Rufus had to relieve himself in the punch bowl?_

_PFFFFFFTTT..GAAAGG! I"II GET YOU TWEEBS FOR THAT!_

_Song is "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" by Eddie Pola and George Wyle_

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**Most Awfullest Time Of The Year**

( Shego and Captain IT notice Drakken throwing one of his usual fits)

" Gee Shego, Who put the thorn patch in his pants tonight?"

" This always happen this time of year Captain. Drakken's problem is he just can't handle Christmas."

" If that idiot would ever get himself organize then he would be as dangerous as he looks."

" Right now he looks like what Mary rode to Jerusalem on. Oh no!"

' What Shego?"

" Oh please no!"

" What is the matter?"

" He going to sing."

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_I am getting a rash, Shego ran off with my cash_

_No more bonus this year_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_My mother is nagging, the henchmen are sagging_

_That is why I'm in tears_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_Oh Shego's been grouchy_

_My henchmen got the munchies_

_And I got no medical plan_

_The buffoon hit the button_

_This lair will be nothing_

_And it cost me $900.000 grand_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_My devices don't work,That buffoon is a jerk_

_Kim Possible kicks my poor rear_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_I got labor disputations_

_And Shego's vacation_

_She'll max out my credit cards_

_Cousin Ed is a pain_

_He will drive me insane_

_Commodore Puddles left presents in the yard_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

_Warmonga done left me, I'm going half crazy_

_Someone get me a beer_

_It's the most awfullest time_

_This holiday is such a crime_

_It's the most awfullest time of the year_

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**A/N: **_It's beginning to look alot like a "flamming". Ok people, you know what to do. Sent in them reviews, comments, and Salvation Army contributions. I will see to it that it's get to the proper charities._

( Whispering) _Hea Shego!, Did you get the swiss back account ready for me?_

_Yes and I want my usual cut as always._

_Right , 60/40 split._

_Wait a minute you cheat! You know the cut. It's 70/30. Do you have any idea how much Caribbean cruise cost?_

_All right, all right! 70/30 then. Geee!_

_See you on the island later. I might be wearing that 'thong' you like so much._

_Aaaa...errrrr. and as always we thank-you for your support. Hea! wait up._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **_This Chapter is my Christmas gift to the Kimmunity and my fans_

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**Disclaimer: **_Same as the first Chapter_

_Say you two!_

_(_ Tweebs II) _Yes Captain?_

_You know over in Europe, during the holidays, they burn what is called a yule log. Guess what we call one of them down south here?_

_What Captain?_

_A y'all log...get it?_

_BAD JOKE CAPTAIN!_

_Nug! That what I get for letting Mace write all my jokes_

_Song is done to " We Wish You A Merry Christmas"_

_The Fannies belong to Zaratan_

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As I look around my home here, I see that Ron and Drakken are settling in to watch for the fourteenth time " The Six Task of Snowman Hank." ( This is what I get for having the only 50 inch HDTV on the block.)

Jim and Tim launch the Christmas tree into orbit.

Nana Possible is serving up a spice ham and James is reading a story about his relatives at Valley Forge.

It is at this time that me and Kim will leave you now with this song.

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_And a Fannie to you_

_Good tidings to you,to family the holidays_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_And plot bunnies your way_

_Oh give me a naco grande_

_Oh give me a naco grande_

_Oh give me a naco grande _

_And I'll cut the cheese too_

" Captain, go outside if your going to do that. The last you did that was in one of Drakken's lairs. I never seen so many henchmen running out the front door all at one time. You had me, Ron, Drakken, and Shego choking to death in there.'

"Oh, sorry about that. Man, that was a one spicy naco."

_Good tidings to friends, in the Kimmunity_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_And more songfics from me_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es- mas_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_We wish you a Kimmi-es-mas_

_And a Fannie to you_

This is to all my wonderful friends that I have the pleasure of calling my second family. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,Happy Kwanzaa, Buon Natale, Ferliz Navidad, Joyeux Noel, Frohe Weihnachten, and Seasons Greeting to everybody in the Kimmunity and their families. Also to my fans around the world for reading my stories, Happy Holidays to you.

And let's not forget the men and women of our Arm Forces that cannot be home this holiday. You do all you do to see that we have many more hoildays to come. We in the Kimmunity thank-you. If any of you in the sevice is reading this , I hope I made your holidays a little more brighter.

That's all for now. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Captain that make IT happen.

Your friend, Robert ( Captain IT)

And again we thank-you for your support.


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